Back to my running :)
28 May 2012 Leave a Comment
So last week i started weights again and planks as i felt stronger and wanted to do some working out.
Today i wanted to start running again! Alex wasnt confident about me running he said i should take it easy and just power walk.
But last night i had a dream about running again and i felt so strong and happy and i wanted that feeling back!
So i changed into my running stuff to discover my running trousers and top were slightly tight….grrrrr that damn 3kgs i gained over the wedding and honeymoon! Im still 59kgs and before i was my perfect weight of 56kgs!!! i want it back!!
I went out into the little park just wanting to try my best, i wanted to at least try 1 mile of running to show to myself i can still do it! So off i set running! I got stitch as i hadnt drunk enough water the night before or this morning but i carried on. I started to wheeze alot and feel slightly sick but i carried on! And did the whole mile running without stopping!!
So proud of myself!! 
I was so determined to get a mile done running i pushed through everything to achieve it!
After that i walked for a mile then felt confident to run half a mile so i carried on like that until i had finished 4 miles in total! 2 miles running & 2 miles walking. Hopefully i can ease back into running 5k’s and eventually 10k’s again as i have lost some stamina. But it actually went much better than i thought it would YAY!
Afterwards my thighs ached alot, my feet are tired, and my bottom ache’s to lol you easily forget how many body parts you tone and work when running!
So the rest of the day i need to clean the house and do some weights 
falling back into my routine seems easy enough which im happy about i really need it to focus on.
jumping back into fitness!
25 May 2012 Leave a Comment
I started doing 2 planks a day again on wednesday and felt really good after doing them although i was a bit shaky and thursday i also did some weights after them! I can’t tell you how good it was to work out again!! My arms were shaking so much after the weights work! 
So im going to throw myself back into working out! Walking, weights, planks…..everything i was doing before everything happened! Im hoping to go for a short run on monday and see how badly my stamina has gone down…hopefully it wont be to bad!
I badly want to lose this 3kgs i have gained since the wedding and honeymoon! i dont feel summer ready with it! So i want to burn it off asap!
My biggest problem though at the moment is i cant seem to stay within my calories :/ im using myfitnesspal again but i seem to keep going over my target calories each day. And i have caught myself eating stuff when i wasn’t hungry! I have started to comfort eat like old times…which im going to allow this week but next week im going to give myself a kick up the back side.
The comfort eating must stop! its just a quick fix and wont help me lose the 3kgs!! grrrr
Unfortunately there are no races now i can sign up for 
as the hot weather starts here in italy in june, july, August and they dont seem to like holding races in these months so i have to wait til september!
Maybe i can still run Absorber shock race in October in London and also the Nike We Run Rome race on newyears eve
I have started making a huge frame with all my race bib’s in, my race photo’s and some motivational quotes to put on my wall and i think its starting to look really nice! Just need a few more races pics printed out and i can put it up.
So i have started to plan out in my diary what exercises i should do when in the week, so weights 3 times a week and planks everyday, running will be 3 times a week again and maybe an exercise video twice a week as well.
The main pc died thursday (arent we just so bloodly lucky at the moment:( ) which had alot of my workouts saved on it….so i might have lost them if the hardrive is screwed…..sigh….but i guess i can find some new ones when we buy a new pc this weekend or next week.
Driving me crazy…
22 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Sorry this is a rant post.
Alex is driving me crazy today..he keeps telling me to react to stuff and i feel like slapping him. He wont let me get over this in my own time/pace and its making me very unhappy.
I know hes grieved and mourned to…i know he still is in his way but he cant imagine now i feel about all this what i went through.
Im not laying in bed anymore and i wanted to go to the shopping Mall today but its raining heavily and he freaked out about me going there alone so soon after the D&C. My friend couldnt come visit me today so he told me not to go…..I just wanted to do something normal and do some shopping but i dont even get that!
So i have cried about 4 times already because im stuck in the house, feeling mental pain from the loss, crying because i want my baby which i will never hold.
And now hes got a female friend of ours to talk to me over MSN!!! I was starting to feel ok watching tv trying to motivate myself to eat something even though i have no apetite most of the time and can only manage some biscuits.
Then the friend starts messaging me and brings out all the pain and torment and i end up balling my eyes out yet again! Why cant he/they leave me alone? i dont want to talk about it anymore i will talk about it when im ready. Why do i feel like there trying to force all the sadness out of me right now so i will be normal again?
Im never going to be normal again! things might start to become normal but my heart will always he heavy from this loss always.
And talking about this over and over again just makes it all raw again and then he wonders why i have no apetite!
I know he loves me and wants me to be well and feel better but he has to learn patience…its going to take a long time for me to mentally/emotionally recover from this.
So now i have turned off MSN, sitting here trying to get myself togeather, any idea of eating lunch completely blown out of the water….
Going to find a movie or something as a distraction before i have a nervous break down
Moving on…
20 May 2012 1 Comment
wednesday: I have the D&C on friday i have to go to the hospital at 7am and they are going to do it after lunchtime then i should be hopefully going home in the evening. There knocking me out with gas so they need to make sure im ok afterwards apparently. Im really scared and nervous about it had some nightmares about it as well as dreams out babies & kittens.
Im staying positive after talking to alot of people who went through the same thing and then who went on to concieve again some months afterwards and have healthy pregnacies and have kids now. So that has given me and Alex hope.
I have moments of being really sad and weepy then other moment of feeling positive and normal…i know its going to take a while to mentally come to terms fully with whats happened and i think after friday that will happen.
I was on a forum for loss and alot of women were doing something in memory of there lost baby like getting a rose bush or a ring with the gems of when it would have been born. So i have decided to get a small tattoo in memory of spot….i found a cherub tattoo and Alex has agreed with me about it. Im going to have it put on the top of my arm so hes always with us.
Its sunday today…i couldnt and didnt feel like writing about whats happened on saturday my emotions were very raw and up and down and are still like that slightly. Friday our friend Max took us to get to the hospital at 7am and we had to wait around while they did a blood test then took a reading of my heartbeat. Max was so nice he told us he would pick us up to any time we needed he even took the day off work so he could be available when needed. So Max went home to do some stuff and me and Alex waited around.
We had to wait 3 and half hours til 12.30pm to see the anesthetist, so we walked around the outside of the hospital a few times then sat on a bench in the sunshine. I had only slept 2 hours the night before as i was scared and nervous so i fell asleep with my head on alex’s should for half an hour. I wasnt allowed to eat or drink anything but i told Alex to go have some food and he did.
I was a bit sad as we kept seeing babies and fully pregnant women everywhere which made me hurt but eventually i kind of went mentally numb as i was so tired from lack of sleep. At 1pm we were waiting for a bed to be available and Marina and her husband turned up to see us! I couldnt believe it, it was so nice of them! and good to see a friendly face
They stayed with us for a few hours me and Marina talked for a while but eventually i went quiet as i was very tired and getting very nervous and scared again.
They gave me a bed and i got changed into the white backless gown Alex sat with me for a while with Marina and our friend Betta who works in the hospital came to see us. Then Marina and her husband had to leave so i talked with Alex for a while.
It was a long long day and they didnt take me up until 5pm, Alex looked so worried and i was almost in tears as i didnt want to go up without him. I had to wait in the anti-chamber where they gave me an IV which i hated…it hurt and im scared of needles…
at 5.30pm they rolled me in everything started to spin the nurse told me to go to sleep and then i must have passed out because the next thing i remember is the nurse telling me to wake up. She told me 3 times because apparently i kept falling asleep again.
I was very groggy i remember seeing Alex’s worried face when they took me back down and he sat beside me and told me to go to sleep but apparently i kept saying no i dont want to i want to go home. I remember my tummy really hurting alot and then i did fall asleep for an hour and when i woke up the pain was gone and i felt much better.
Alex had been worried as i had been up there for 2 hours in the operating room but Betta had checked on me and everything had been ok.
There was a tray of cold food for me and i was allowed water and food after two hours after coming out, so by then it was 10pm and i hadnt eaten or drunk anything all day! I had some sips of water and some mouthfuls of veggie rice, veggies and a bread roll.
We had to wait around til 10.40pm before we could go home as they wanted to keep an eye on me and i felt very faint after they removed the IV and by blood pressure was low. Alex solved that by giving me ringo biscuits! which were so good!!
Max came to see us and pick us up he was so nice and did alot for us friday even if he felt he did something small it ment alot to us to have some one do all the driving so we didnt have to worry about it!
So in the car Max announced he hadnt eaten dinner and wanted to grab some food at a burger king drive through if that was ok! Alex hadnt eaten since lunchtime so we agreed. I ended up having a Big king burger and it tasted soooo good i was so hungry. We think Max might have done that for us to waiting to eat so he would make sure we ate food to bless his heart!
By the time we got home i just fell into bed and slept alot exhausted.
Saturday i cried alot we had a friend come round and she made us lunch which was lovely, i slept alot and took the antibiotics and pills i have been given for the next 7 days. Alex and me both began to grieve the loss of spot but we have talked and we arent going to give up we are going to try again. I got to cry and say goodbye to spot in my heart and i know eventually the pain will fade a bit.
Its made me nervous about trying again, scared this will happen again although the gynocologist has said we have a better chance now off concieveing and having a normal healthy pregnacy but i do want to try again.
Max suggested a nice place to get the tattoo in memory done that he knows of that looks nice and we might go check it out next weekend.
I guess now life just has to slowly get back to normal now….i have a weeks rest then i will try to start running again, not sure how my stamina is after not running for 2 and half months…
Loss… :(
16 May 2012 4 Comments
We went for our first scan yesterday to see and hear the baby and our worst fear came true……….there was no heartbeat….apparently the fetus had stopped growing and died at 7 weeks….
We both cried alot in the examine room and the doctor tried to comfort us and told us that it was normal to lose the first pregnacy it was a 1 out of 3 change it wouldnt survive.
I cant express the pain i felt then and even now after we have been trying for 2 years for a baby and now to lose it when we had achieved getting pregnant. When we got home Alex was a mess he couldnt stop crying and i ended up comforting him. He said that he shouldnt cry and that it was his job to comfort me i told him not to be silly and we both should mourn the loss.
Then came the task of telling the relatives and close friends who we had told that we were expecting….all were very sad at the news.
We phoned a friend who worked at a hospital to tell her and that i have to have the fetus removed and she told us to come to the hospital and get rechecked so we went there and waited for over an hour to see the gyno there who did another test and confirmed its death. It was a heartbreaking evening as right in the next room to me was a 9month pregnant woman who was moaning and the monitor was on and i could hear her babys heartbeat. And i kept thinking why cant i hear my baby’s heartbeat?
Then she told us to come again tomorrow and go and see a doctor who would arrange the removal, so friday (today) we went back to the hospital and they have given us an appointment for friday. I go in friday morning have it done after lunch then can hopefully go home in the evening.
When we left there office i kept crying again and thinking how they were going to take my baby away but then i realised he’s not really there anymore its just a little shell.
Both of us are devastated but its making us stronger because we will try again and we are coping with this out come as a couple with support and love for eachother and we wont give up.
Next time im not telling anyone im pregnant until im almost 9 months in!
Hormonal
13 May 2012 Leave a Comment
I have been very hormonal the last few days….and it seems to be getting worse…..
I dont want to complain about the things im going through being pregnant because im happy and lucky to be pregnant as we had been trying for 2 years to get to this place!
The only thing that is upsetting me is the food choices here in Roma…all i seem to be eating is boiled veggies, fishfingers, hard boiled eggs and the occasional pork chop! As its very confusing what i can and cant eat!! and its driving me crazy!
Im not allowed raw veggies so no salads, no raw fruit that cant be peeled, no raw meat so no salame or proscuitto, no raw fish so no sushi, im only allowed tuna occasionally, im not allowed certain cheeses, soft or mould cheeses, i can’t have alot of bread or pasta incase of getting diabetis while pregnant.
When i was in the UK on my honeymoon i had a choice of so much stuff!! ready meals, every different thing you could think of to whack in the oven or microwave and eat.
Now im back in Roma i dont have alot of choice… as i said boiled veggies, fishfingers, hard boiled eggs and the occasional pork chop and maybe the odd pizza and its depressing!
We went to a BBQ today for an italian friends birthday and suprise surpise the starters where salame, proscuitto, several soft cheeses i cant eat, raw tomatoes……i did manage to get to eat a hard cheese so ended up having 4 small pieces of bread with cheese and a very over cooked piece of pancetta.
I couldnt eat any of the other BBQ meat as it was all under cooked and slightly pink in the middle! So by the time the dessert came i was really looking forwards to it but to my shock it was tirimasu my favorite which i cant eat anymore as it has raw eggs inside it……..i was gutted.
Alex enjoyed all the food as he could eat it all and shortly after the dessert we went home. He could tell i was pissed off in the car as i didnt talk to him for almost an hour and when he did finally get me to talk i bursted into tears and balled my eyes out. Then i was hormonally babbling about how i cant eat anything now in this country and i was depressed and i hated it. And that i felt like i couldnt eat anything and that i was scared to eat stuff incase im not supposed to eat it….
He was very patient with me and understand as my Dad had warned him what was to come in the next long long months with mood swings and crazyness and so he took it all in his stride bless him.
He hugged me told me it would be ok and said we could have a chinese for dinner tonight which did cheer me up ALOT.
Im hoping that when i start doing some exercise from tomorrow it will help with my mood swings…lots of walking, weights and prenatal yoga!
Back in Roma
12 May 2012 3 Comments
We got back to Roma yesterday after an exhausting journey back and were both knackered! For dinner Alex went and got pizza from our favorite place and they gave us the pizza free as a wedding gift which was so nice of them! Then we slept for 9 hours straight lol
Ciro our cat was so happy to see us! he wouldnt leave us alone and wanted loads of hugs, cried continously and even cried at midnight when we were sleeping so Alex had to go tell him off.
We have gone from 12c in the UK cold and wet to sunny blue skies and 29c in Roma!! Im wearing my summer stuff right now and did feel lightheaded several times today due to the heat! So im hoping after a few days i will have adjusted back to Roma temp! lol
My dad has bidded on ebay uk for a few maternity bits for me (some maternity shorts 2 pairs) as maternity clothes are quite cheap in the UK and that ebay! I did look on ebay italy but there was nothing for sale for maternity at all!!
I started to get worried and hormonal at this point as i had been told repeatedly by some of our italian friends that maternity clothes here in italy were super expensive
But Alex did some googling and found prenatal which is a maternity/baby shop here which is not to expensive! He also found Baby Bazar which is a second hand baby stuff shop here in Roma! So i started to feel better
Im still going to keep looking for second hand maternity stuff as i dont want to spend a fortune on stuff im only wearing for a few months!
Monday we are going to phone the doctors and book our first scan as we are at 2 months now which im still nervous about and will be more happy when we reach 3 months which is a more safer time apparently!
Suffolk Honeymoon
09 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Well what can i say about our honeymoon? lol its been very relaxing!! And truthly i think we both needed a relaxing break away after the hectic wedding build up!
We had the dinner in Norfolk with my friends and family and it was a lovely evening! It was so good to see everyone! some people i hadn’t seen in years…and so it was catch up time. Everyone enjoyed themselves and liked the dinner we had arranged alot! so i was really happy that we held it 
We also really liked the Premier Inn we stayed in for the first time the rooms were huge and the breakfasts excellent! Much better than any of the local hotels we had stayed in before when visiting and will use the Premier Inn again!
Then after that it was off to Suffolk to stay with my dad! We enjoyed a few walks on the beach although the weather has been cold and wet. Ate alot, slept alot, watched tv….lazy i know but we both really needed it after the wedding! And we are both feeling very relaxed now and ready to face all the issues of pregnancy when we go home on friday back to Roma.
I also have a huge bag of baby clothes that me, my sister and mum have bought over the last week! Just some booties, few little tops and the all in one suits. And there all yellow or white or another unisex colour as we wont know what sex the baby is for another month or so.
This week im 8 weeks along and i have gained about 3kgs from the wedding and honeymoon :/ although my pregnancy book says i should get water retention now and my jeans would start to feel tighter from now so i keep blaming it on that lol 
I felt really sick going into the supermarket several times here which i think was the mixed smell of raw fish counter, bakery counter and meat counter overwhelming me but once i was outside for a while i felt much better. Thats all so far thats happened with being pregnant and we should have our first scan next week which we have to arrange.
I was intending to enjoy the food here anyway before we found out about the baby and so i have kept with that and been eating what i want! After all i only get to visit twice a year! although this year it will only be once
I can’t believe we are going back to Roma in a few days (friday) it’s gone so quick! im going to miss my family and the foods i cant get in italy alot but i guess once im back in Roma everything will settle back into routine.
Also Alex is driving me insane! with his comments that im eating to much! grrrr he knew i was going to enjoy myself while i was here and he still says im getting fat which upset me a little. Now if i start eating something bigger than i normally eat he rolls his eyes and gives me a disaproving look!
At the end of the day im going to be back on boiled veggies, fishfingers and chicken when we go back to Roma as thats all i can seem to eat there at the moment! So im soon going to lose the 3kgs!! And also im pregnant so im soon going to look like a beached whale!! so what does he want me to do? lol Men they never understand about these things lol
Wedding Day
06 May 2012 4 Comments
Its been over a week since i got married and i have been so busy i havent had a chance to blog about it! lol
So my Mum and Sister arrived on the 29th Jan in the afternoon and both loved it in Roma straight away! My mother loved the bright sunshine and the heat which was much different from the cold and wet weather they were having in the UK!
That evening they both enjoyed there first ever Italian pizza and to my amazement my mother loved it! As you can probably guess from that comment my mother is a very fussy eater and will let her dislike of something be known lool
Ciro my cat got on extremely well with both of them and it was love at first sight with my sister and him! which was good as Ciro has attacked my brother several times on his visits and has been known to make his dominate place in the house known to guests 
Anyway Friday morning we were all up early as my Mum and sister wanted to see the Vatican Museum before we left in the afternoon for Tuscany where the wedding would be over the weekend! So i was dragged out to show them around! We looked at a couple of local markets and they both bought second hand clothes.
Then it was in to the Vatican for a route march round up and down stairs and through corridors! My back was killing me by the end of it and we headed out to grab some lunch.
My mum had kind of liked the Vatican museum but hadnt been that impressed as she said it hadnt felt church like it felt very empty….
Anyway we headed back to the house grabbed the already packed bags and jumped in the car for the 2 and half hour drive to Tuscany.
When we got there we found a few of our friends who were coming had already arrived! We dropped our bags at our friends house who we were staying with then headed out to the little bar in the village centre so go meet them as they arrived.
By the evening everyone had arrived who was staying that evening and we all went out to eat! After finding that alot of places were booked and couldnt feed 10 people we finally managed to find a place but ended up eating late! It was a really good evening which i really enjoyed.
I didnt sleep well friday night as i knew the next day i would be getting married and i was nervous as hell! lol
Saturday morning came and i had time to have breakfast with my Sister and Mum and have a short walk round the piazza with them before all the madness started.
My friend Jess did my hair and makeup while my friend Marina took some photo’s of the process. 
Alex was already dressed and off with one of his best men to the place we were getting married the Comune which is like the town hall as we were having what we would call a registery office like affair.
Once i was ready we all piled into the car and headed to the place! Everyone else who was coming and not stayed the evening before was there! The sun was shining, the sky was blue and it was hot and a beautiful day.
My Mum walked me into the church and my legs were shaking so hard in my little heels i was so nervous!
Then suddenly i was in the room with everyone and Alex! The ceremony is a bit of a blur as i was so nervous! We had a friend translating from Italian to English so everyone could understand and then the ring was on my finger and i was putting one on Alex! The last thing was to sign the form then the official who had completed the ceremony gave me a huge bunch of flowers which were lovely!
Then we were outside for the photo’s and the rice throwing! which went everywhere! and i mean EVERYWHERE! right down my dress and bra lool
The next thing was the huge lunch we had arranged to celebrate! Once we got to the place we were eating at ‘Mario’s’ i discovered there we somethings i couldnt eat because of my pregnancy! which sucked!!
My mum and sister were a bit shocked a the length of the meal which was about 3-4 hours long!! 
There were many different starters ranging from mixed cheeses, mixed deli meats, different types of bruscetta, more cheese, veggies in batter, then there was a pasta dish, then two types of cooked meat then deserts and coffee!
I think everyone was ready to pop at the end of it! And almost everyone needed to lay down afterwards!!
That evening we all went out to the Local bar again and no one had dinner just some drinks as we watched a local music festival in the piazza which was really nice.
Then it was bedtime as we were both knackered!! Sunday was a more slow affair of having lunch with the friends we were staying with then heading back to Roma to rest and pack for the next day (the monday) as we were going to the UK with my mum and sister for our honeymoon!
Talk about a knackering experience!! But we are both happy its finally over and we can relax and focus on being married now and worry about being pregnant 
Up the Duff ;)
22 Apr 2012 4 Comments
Sorry i havent posted for a long while but something has come up! And i have had to put my exercising on hold!
Basically after the week i had off to rest my sprain i then had the next week of as well……i felt really tried and had nausea and didnt feel up to running or anything else.
After waiting patiently that week for 6 days for a period that didnt show things started to become clear! And after two mornings of testing just to be sure the truth was out! IM PREGNANT! (at that point 4 weeks 5 days pregnant)
We were both over the moon about it as we have been trying for at least 2 years to have a baby! (Although we did have a bit of stress as this happened two and half weeks before the wedding eeek!!)
And its kind of Ironic that i got to my perfect weight of 56kg’s and then this happens! loool
So all exercise went on hold! As i needed to rest up! The days after that i started to feel lightheaded, Nausea, dizzyness, feeling hotter than usual.
We had an appointment at the Gyno set up the next week to find out what we needed to do and to have a blood test!
She gave us some vitamins to take and we had the blood test that confirmed as well the pregnancy! (5 weeks pregnant) and we ordered the ‘Your pregnancy bible’ book of amazon as we both dont have a clue what we are doing!
And i got a bit tired of Alex googling random websites then acting like he suddenly knew everything about pregnancy and what i could and couldnt do! Also with him listening to random advice from everyone and there dog and believing it all!! grrr
They say your not supposed to tell anyone until 3months along, as the first 3 months are dangerous but we couldnt contain the news and we did tell a few people early as we were both so excited! (Alex practically told the whole of italy already lol!!)
The third month will be by the 4th June!
I really started wanting Banana, butter sandwiches and had lots of lightheaded moments!
Its feeling really weird not exercising lol although i have started going for walks to keep up some of my fitness levels and the Gyno told me i dont have to eat more until 5 months when i will get really hungry. Im also looking at doing prenatal yoga and weights for when we come back from the honeymoon!
So now im on week 6 of the pregnancy and we have the wedding next weekend as well!! Its been a little bit stressful the last few weeks and i cant wait til the wedding’s over with and we are on the honeymoon in Suffolk!
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