Driving me crazy…

Sorry this is a rant post.

Alex is driving me crazy today..he keeps telling me to react to stuff and i feel like slapping him. He wont let me get over this in my own time/pace and its making me very unhappy.

I know hes grieved and mourned to…i know he still is in his way but he cant imagine now i feel about all this what i went through.

Im not laying in bed anymore and i wanted to go to the shopping Mall today but its raining heavily and he freaked out about me going there alone so soon after the D&C. My friend couldnt come visit me today so he told me not to go…..I just wanted to do something normal and do some shopping but i dont even get that!

So i have cried about 4 times already because im stuck in the house, feeling mental pain from the loss, crying because i want my baby which i will never hold.

And now hes got a female friend of ours to talk to me over MSN!!! I was starting to feel ok watching tv trying to motivate myself to eat something even though i have no apetite most of the time and can only manage some biscuits.

Then the friend starts messaging me and brings out all the pain and torment and i end up balling my eyes out yet again! Why cant he/they leave me alone? i dont want to talk about it anymore i will talk about it when im ready. Why do i feel like there trying to force all the sadness out of me right now so i will be normal again?

Im never going to be normal again! things might start to become normal but my heart will always he heavy from this loss always.

And talking about this over and over again just makes it all raw again and then he wonders why i have no apetite!

I know he loves me and wants me to be well and feel better but he has to learn patience…its going to take a long time for me to mentally/emotionally recover from this.

So now i have turned off MSN, sitting here trying to get myself togeather, any idea of eating lunch completely blown out of the water….

Going to find a movie or something as a distraction before i have a nervous break down 😦

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