Taking a break from Blogging

I haven’t posted in a few weeks.

Truth be told i haven’t really had time. We had two weeks of sickness from Alex and Miss Peanut, so that was a handful in itself. I have kept up with my walking through and 365 days of fitness. I haven’t posted all the pics on Instagram yet, just no time but i will.

I will also try at least to keep going with that on there.

The other reason I plan to stop blogging for a while is because i am starting to make a dream come to.

My writing.

I have been doing it for months and quietly making friends online with other writers/authors and learning how to become an author myself.

I have a book hopefully being publish end of August under a pen name and i have decided to put all my energy and time into that.

I am learning so much and growing as a writer. Yes i am very excited about this and i can’t wait. Honestly i did not realize how much you need to know!

Writing, Beta readers, editing, formatting, cover art, promoting, Author page, and the list goes on! But i am very very lucky to have found some friends and people in the same boat as me and learning as we go.

I am also very lucky to have a really good friend who is an editor and who is helping me out and doing an amazing job at it!

So yes i am very busy.

But i am feeling positive about it all and i have only had small bouts of depression. I am finding being focused and being creative is helping. It makes me feel productive and happy. It’s what i needed to feel like me again. To find myself again.

This is something i really think i needed.

Having said that i have been blogging here for quite a while and will no doubt come back to post and blog. When that will be i cannot say. But i am more that sure i will.

So for now this is Run Brit Chick Run signing off….

 

 

 

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365 Days of Fitness – Week 12

Day 77 Sun 1st May – I should run. I have been avoiding it. My spark of motivation is low. I am still losing weight from all the power walking. Salad every day for lunch also helps and avoiding snacking on crap snacks.

I am so tired. Lately every time I go to sleep I open my eyes again and its morning. I can’t stand it. These are the times depression sinks its claws in. I am easily swayed by it because I am so tired.

I end up snapping at Alex and crying. I want a break. We argue but then it seems to dawn on him what’s wrong. He hugs me and becomes all understanding.

He gives me the time I need to breathe. The time to re-collect myself again.

I go dye my hair red again as its been needing doing for weeks. This helps. A little care towards myself and it makes me feel better.

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Day 78 Mon 2nd May – Pouring rain so no running. Something interesting to read though.

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Day 79 Tue 3rd May -Another walk and writers block.

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Day 80 Wed 4th May – Tortellini spinach and ricotta for dinner one of my favs.

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Day 81 Thur 5th May -It’s ponies and the rave music tonight…Miss Peanut’s choice.

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Day 82 Fri 6th May – I really need to start running again with our friday evenings out.

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Day 83 Sat 7th May – My bestie Jess has got me doing the zombies run app again. Day 1 completed.

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I haven’t felt like adding stuff day by day to this. It gets a little monotonous. It a good week. I eat to much and i am neglecting my salads. Miss Peanut is still loving school and is so excited to go. She’s going for 3 hours now 5 days a week. It’s the time I need apart.

I spend the time writing or just resting. I speak to friends over facebook chat. Sometimes I go for a walk or to them market to look at the second hand clothes. Other times I will sit in silence and drink tea.

You honestly don’t realise how much you miss the quietness until you don’t have it anymore. Just time to sit without a worry or a care and reflect.

It had improved my mood. Alex has noticed a change in me this week. He can see I am happier. I think it’s been good for all of us in different ways.

I don’t feel like I’m drowning anymore. I can breathe easily for a few hours a day.

I can also use my imagination much more widely when I am alone. There are no interruptions every five minutes. No cartoons on or me with my ear listening for what the kids up to.

I honestly think sending her to nursery has saved my sanity.

And she’s growing and expanding at an astounding rate now from the new stimulus. So many more words she is now saying in both Italian and English. She also doing things she hasn’t done before which I suspect she’s copying from the other kids. Her smiling face when I pick her up makes it worth it.

My friend Jess has also talked me into doing the zombies run app again. I am really lacking in motivation with my running. It’s blinking on zero at the moment. At least I am keeping up with the walking.

I do the first day of zombies run. I think it will keep me motivated.

I am pushing to do my own things now to. Things that make me happy and feel rewarding. It’s what I need and so far it’s going well.

365 Days of Fitness – Week Eight

Day 50 Mon 4th Apr – Today Grandma and Grandad take us to the dinosaur park in Norwich.

Miss Peanut loves dinosaurs! I am so excited to see what she will do. As soon as she gets out of the car she’s running towards the entrance. The first statue she see’s and she’s running up to it shouting ‘roooarrr’.

As she’s under 3yrs old so she’s free to get in. Once inside we see an animated dino which roars and moves. It sounds quite frightening but she LOVES IT!!

The kid is practically bouncing off the walls running up to it and roaring back. The park has a huge play area and various buildings with inside play areas and cafe’s.

Peanut run’s to the play area for her age group and goes on the swing then the slide. I have a huge grin on my face. I am so happy she loves it here. So happy we have made her day. I feel care free.

We end up following the dinosaur trail. They have statues that make sounds. Peanut runs to every dinosaur she finds and hugs and kisses it. She’s screaming with happiness, smiling and laughing.

Her face when she found the biggest dino in the park was a picture. A mix of awe then excitment. She looked so tiny compared to it.

We found a petting place and farm animals. There was a car which took you out to the deer park and even a water garden. We ate cornish pasties, chips and ice cream in a little cafe.

The whole time my little girl is smiling from ear to ear. It’s days like these i love. When we go some where to have an adventure. Somewhere Peanut won’t readily forget.

Grandma and Grandad are already saying we can go again on our next visit.

Grandad buy’s her a ton of toys in the gift shop. She leaves with a huge armful of toys. Some i know i won’t have room to pack. But i know they will sit on the bed we use when we visit and wait for her return 🙂

This ended up being the best day ever i think for everyone!

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Day 51 Tue 5th Apr – 2 mile run today with my Sister. Miss Peanut give me cuddles before i go. She is happy watching Peppa Pig with Grandma and doesn’t care that i am off out for a while without her.

I have started to comfort eat the last few days. I can’t seem to help it. The naughty stuff is just to tempting. It tastes to good as well.

I know subconsciously it’s probably because this is our last week until we go back. I am trying to make myself feel better by eating what i can’t have in Rome.

In the end i just go with it. A few days won’t hurt. Ok maybe it will add to my waist line but when i get back to Italy i will be very very good with my eating habits.

No more snacking. No more bad things or eating to make myself feel better.

At least all the walking and running here is kind of keeping it balanced.

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Day 52 Wed 6th Apr – Another trip to Norwich. More treasures found. We meet up with my brother and his girlfriend today. She’s the friend who was reading my first story.

She tell’s me she loves it. That she thinks the flow of the story is fantastic and she asks if i have anymore. I have the second completed so tell her I will send it to her.

She’s extatic that she can read more. This makes me happy. If one person in billions likes my writing then there will be a few more!

The day goes quickly as it always does when out shopping all day. We meet up with my other sister to. So its all of us, me my two sisters and brother. Plus Grandma, the kid, the girlfriend, her dad, mum and brother who have also come shopping in Norwich.

So many people to chat to and laugh with. Miss Peanut is in heaven. Everyone buys her chocolate. Again she is spoilt rotten and she knows it!

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Day 53 Thur 7th Apr – Thinking about going to Rome and starting to pack. I don’t want to go back. My heart is screaming no no no inside me. I feel torn.

I am trying to not let it depress me. Yet it’s really hard.

With Miss Peanut starting nursery things might be a little better. I have to try. I have to see. I am just scared it’s going to be another promise which won’t come true.

I hate getting my hopes up then things never happen. We shall see i guess. That’s all i can do for now. I think you can see the unhappiness is my eyes.

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Day 54 Fri 8th Apr – Last run with my sister today. I am going to miss her annoying crazy pain in the butt.

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Day 55 Sat 9th Apr – Traveling back to Italy today. I hate it. I want to stay with my family but i know i can’t. Alex is anxious to have us back. Miss Peanut doesn’t seem to comprehend we are going back.

When they taxi comes to get us, she runs to Grandad’s car thinking we are going in that.

Grandma is already crying as she doesn’t want us to go. It upsets me. I hate this. Hate it. I wish we lived closer or even in the same bloody country.

All the drive to the airport and when we get there, the kid keeps asking me where Grandma and Grandad are.

I keep repeating we are going to see Daddy/Pappa. We are going on the plane back to Rome.

On the plane i think it starts to dawn on her what’s going on. She gets grumpy but i cuddle her and keep her entertained. Eventually she falls asleep for an hour and half.

I try to sleep to but i can’t. I’m to keyed up. I’m trying not to think about what it will be like when we are back there.

Alex is waiting at the airport for us. Peanut is all shy when she first see’s him but soon runs over for a cuddle.

She keeps touching his face like she can’t quite believe it’s really him.

On the drive out, i feel the black cloud that had been mostly at bay for 3 weeks slowly start to settle over me again. I feel like i am going back to my cage. My solitary life. I hate it.

I go from the chatty happy person i have been for 3 weeks to a quiet subdued shadow.

Alex notices. Ask’s if i am ok. I have a little cry. I am tired and over emotional. He says things will be better. I hope he is right.

When we get home it’s skpying Grandparent’s, then pizza for dinner.

We are all exhausted and fall into bed at 9pm.

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Day 56 Sun 10th Apr – Alex takes us to the Mall today. It’s Miss Peanut’s favorite place. She adores it. They have rides and a play area and burger king. She’s so excited she’s running around like a mad thing.

She keeps saying Papa Papa and is very happy we are all together again.

I enjoy the business. That cloud of depression is still looming though. Somewhere in the back of my head i worried everything will be the way it was before. I can’t do that. I can’t go backwards. Things need to go forwards to work.

Alex seems to understand that now. He is very attentive to me and Miss Peanut. He never once goes on his video game. He spends his time us as a family.

The kid notices this and responds more to him. She even starts saying words shes not said before like ‘Georgie’ (from Peppa pig). She get’s him to play with her to which is really sweet.

Alex is also trying to feed us up! Food in never ending and to much. Hopefully the Italian will calm down with the smothering us with food for love! lol

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365 Days of Fitness – Week Seven

Day 43 Sun 27th Mar – Miss Peanut decides to try out the dog cage. Her other fun thing to do was put all her toys inside it.

She’s picking up so many more words. Yes there all in English but at this stage i am happy she’s speaking in one of the languages she hears.

She can now say “upstairs” “Bubbles” “All done.” “empty” “open” “pizza” and quite a few other things. I don’t feel like a useless mother anymore. All she seemed to need was a little more stimulation with more people around her.

She’s blooming and developing before my very eyes. The more we are here in the UK the more she is becoming a little girl rather than a baby.

The black cloud i was in Italy is right at the back of my mind. It doesn’t surface much here. I am far to busy and having fun. I am smiling a lot of the time. I am genuinely having fun here. I am the old me. Grandma loves having Miss Peanut visit. She is cramming the kid full of chocolate and ice creams and spoiling her rotten!

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Day 44 Mon 28th Mar – Miss Peanut is a little clingy today again. I manage to get 1 mile walked only. Yes i realise now i did two day 44’s! oh well never mind.

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Day 45 Tue 29th Mar – The last four days I have kinda neglected typing about my day. I have been walking more now my back is much better. I intend to run again now.

I have also been very up and down emotionally. My family argue sometimes. It’s the normal family bickering. I have found though it brings me down lately.

I don’t want to listen to people ranting or shouting at each other. Instead of trying to calm things down like I used to do, I just sit quietly and switch off.

I have my own doubts and dark thoughts. I don’t need anyone else’s. Shutting down helps, I sit there thinking about other things. A few have noticed the chance. They know I get depressed now.

I sit through the ‘don’t be silly’ talks or ‘come on cheer up’.

My steampunk clothing is growing slowly. There’s still part of me asking why I am bothering.

Miss Peanut is having so much fun. She’s saying more words and so many cuddles with everyone. We go out every day for walks or shopping.

I can’t believe it’s been just over a week. It feels like we have been here a lot longer.

Whenever I think about Rome I feel sad and don’t want to go back. I like being busy. Even though my family can sometimes be annoying I love them. I love the noise and doing stuff.

I feel more alive here.

My second story is finished. I am still re-reading it to see if I have missed anything.

My third story has begun to. I am not writing tons but enough to keep my creative side satisfied.

Me and the dog enjoy a nice run together. He’s always happy to go out with me. I also enjoy running in the day with sunlight!

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Day 46 Wed 30th Mar – A friend here in the UK asked to read my first story. I have agreed and sent it to her. It’s nice to have someone give it a quick read. I have just asked her to let me know if the flow of the story sounds good.

Miss Peanut thought this feather would be an interesting buy at a charity shop.

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Day 47 Thur 31st Mar – Long run today with my Sister. I love these runs. We talk. We laugh. These are things i miss in Rome as i have no one to do this with. I honestly think if i had someone to run and talk to there even for an hour a day i would be less depressed.

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Day 48 Fri 1st Apr – 3 mile walk today

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Day 49 Sat 2nd Apr – I ask Alex if i am going to go back to the same as it was before. I have a week left and i don’t want to go back to the way it was in Rome. I like having company. I like doing things. I like having people to talk to.

Alex tells me we will do more. He also tell me we didn’t get into the state nursery for Miss Peanut. He does leap into action though and contacts a private one near us. We have an appointment to visit them the week we are back in Rome.

The head of the place even suggests Miss Peanut could go to them from morning til lunch until June. This makes me happy. She loves other kids. I really believe she will be happier going to play with other little ones.

My only down is september she will go from 9 am til 4pm! To me thats so long! All day and she will be only 3 years old. I mention my concern but Alex says thats what is done there.

Grandma is also worried about it. But talking to my American friend Jess she tells me they do that in America. Also googling it looks like they do it now in the UK.

I just feel its so long to be parted. I feel a little down. We haven’t been apart much for almost 3 years. Suddenly this feels like a huge step, one i know i wanted.

Alex says we have to cut the strings for mother and child. To me it sounds cruel but i guess other parents do it to. God knows what i will do with all the time i will have in september.

I can’t even remember what that much free time feel likes. I can’t even remember what the heck i used to do with it!

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365 Days of Fitness – Week Six

Day 36 Sun 20th Mar – Car boot sale in the morning was fun. Then food shopping. Miss Peanut loves going to the supermarket with everyone. She helps put things in the trolley and chooses her yoghurts and snacks.

I found some fun figures for her at the car boot and now she’s addicted to playing with them. She adores them. Farm, zoo and airport people with vehicles for her age group.

In the afternoon me and Grandma go through old boxes in the spare room. Some of its old stuff I left there over 8 years ago when I moved to Italy.

It’s of my life from London I wanted to keep. The Grandparents are having the house sorted out in May. Builders will be in to do things, so everything needs to be sorted through and stored away.

It’s funny seeing things from my old life, things that were once important to me. Things that still are. There are things I still want to keep and I can’t get back to Rome. Grandma’s is happy to keep them still. I get rid of a lot of stuff. No point keeping it.

It’s an hour of heavy lifting and moving things about. It’s therapeutic. We both enjoy it.

I have a two mile walk in the afternoon to.

It’s so busy here, I have no time to think or feel depressed. I actually like being this busy. It’s exhausting but fun.

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Day 37 Mon 21st Mar – Relaxing morning watching cartoons. Then in the afternoon Aunty Rachel takes us to Windham and Attleborough. Two lovely little towns to go shopping in. So much fun looking in charity shops with Grandma and Rachel.

Miss Peanut has fun and buys a few little toys. She has a little cold and a cough where her nose is running. We keep her wrapped up warm and have medicine of she needs it.

It’s relaxing.

Rachel, me and the dog decide to go running in the evening before dinner. She’s been mainly doing the gym and treadmill. Every time I come over she likes to run outside with me. It’s fun because we chat while we do it. The time goes quicker and we catch up. I always enjoy these times.

Miss Peanut is happy watching cartoons with Grandma.

2.50 miles run. It’s good to get out and stretch our legs.

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Day 38 Tue 22nd Mar – I have my haircut in the morning. Then me, Peanut and Grandma look in a few shops. We stop for a Cornish pasty at a nice little place with tea and coffee. The kid has a chocolate brownie.

It’s nice to be out and doing things. Nice to have places to go and feel important and free.

My back is starting to ache. I think the heavy lifting Sunday was not such a good idea. Also the kid keeps making me sleep on my side. I can’t stay in that position all night, it gets uncomfortable and I don’t think its helping.

By the time Aunty Rachel gets home and drives us to the town of Diss my back is hurting a lot and stiff. I can’t make sudden moves or I get lightening pain through my lower back.

Luckily everyone else helps with Miss Peanut. I just use the pushchair to walk with. When we get home I have a hot bath, this helps a little. I keep stiffening up when I sit down.

Pain killers help. I know I will have to take it easy for a few days. No running for a little while.

I managed to pick up some steam punk like clothes in the charity shops. This makes me happy.

3 miles walked in Diss so that was my exercise for today.

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Day 39 Wed 23rd Mar – My back feels much better today. Tiny bit stiff and I am walking slow, but a big improvement. Sleeping on my back and front helped a lot. I think sleeping on my side would have made it worse.

Alex notices Miss Peanut coughing over skype. He panics because she has a cold. I get annoyed about this. It’s a cold and a little cough she doesn’t need to go to the hospital. We have medicine that works just fine and is just as good as Italian medicine.

He brings my happy feelings down. I have looked after her for over 2 and half fucking years. I have coped with far worse. She has had coughs and colds here before. His lack of faith makes me want to punch him in the face.

I shut down emotionally after that. We end the skype call. Grandma notices the change in me.

Even she thinks Alex is being over dramatic. He messages me and apologizes. He’s just worried as we are away and things are out of his control. I can understand that bit, I really do. But he has to learn to let go, especially as she gets bigger and wants to go do things with friends etc.

I found a lovely little cameo necklace in a charity shop. My steampunk stuff is coming along so nicely. I have quite a few ideas for it which I can do while I am in the UK.

I treated Miss Peanut and Grandma to a pub lunch as its Grandma’s birthday tomorrow. We had fun. The food was fantastic. My heavy mood lifts and I am smiling again.

My exercises today is a 2 mile walk.

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Day 40 Thur 24th Mar – 3 miles walked today around Norwich. Plenty of shopping and seeing my other sister and my niece. I think the photo says its all 🙂 I am going to hang that in my room.

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Day 41 Fri 25th Mar – 2.70 miles run today. Miss Peanut still has her cough and is a bit clingy. So it was a stay inside watching cartoons and playing.

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Day 42 Sat 26th Mar – 3.50 miles walked.

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I have skipped a few days blogging properly. To be honest i had so much to do i forgot. I was also having fun and feeling more like my old self. I kept up with the exercises though as you can see.

 

Potty Training begins

So i have started the year with trying to get Miss Peanut potty trained.

To be honest i have waited this long because i have been dreading it. Just the thought of her without a nappy scared the hell out of me.

What if she didn’t understand? What if she freaked out? The endless questions of what the heck she would do bare bummed! I have heard the horror stories and wasn’t looking forwards to it.

We’ve had the actual pink potty for about five months.

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She has seen it and not really been interested with it. Up until now i haven’t shown her what its for either. It’s just sat in a corner of the bathroom lonely and unused.

My friend Jenny gave me a few books last weekend. Two were potty books for kids.

Peanut immediately fell in love with one of them. She studied the cartoons and got me to read it to her a few million times. After that it hasn’t been far from her since she got it on saturday.

Monday morning i was surprised when she bought me the book and her pink potty. The kid is two years and three months old! But as sharp as a tack when learning stuff.

I could tell she was telling me it was time. Potty training was going to have to start.

Swallowing my dread, we sat on the floor and looked at the book again together.

Then i showed her how to sit on it while fully dressed. I decided maybe that would be a start. She had fun doing that for a while. The she looked at both books again.

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Then as kids do she got bored and moved onto playing. That was fine by me. I was happy to start in stages.

In the afternoon she was back at my side with the book.

I could not help but laugh. She was determined to get this done.

Nappy coming off this time she went straight to sit on her potty. She seemed content to just sit on it and watch tv. I found myself relaxing. How hard could this be?

I kept encouraging with saying ‘ lets peepee’ and ‘ are you going to poopoo’. She knows what both of these mean.

Every time she shadows me to the bathroom i tell her what i’m doing. So she’s picked that up quite quickly.

So after an hour she hadn’t done either. Going into the bathroom i pretend to have a peepee.

I realise my mistake straight away. Peanut decided she wanted to sit on the big toilet to. She wanted to be a big girl.

To avoid a temper tantrum i let her sit on it. I was kind of curious to see what she would do anyway.

We grinned at each other for a while. After ten minutes of her just sitting there and me holding her it started to get boring. My arms were hurting from holding her. I had visions of her falling down the hole. She wasn’t peeing or pooing.

So we decided to go back to the sitting room. When i say ‘we’ i mean me with a very grumpy toddler. I think she would have sat on the big toilet all night.

I know we are going to have to buy her one of those kiddie toilet seats on the weekend. At least that way my arms will be saved.

A few more times sitting on the potty she got bored again. Instead she thought chasing the cat around the flat bare bottomed was much more fun.

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When it was time for the nappy back on she really didn’t want it. It took another ten minutes to convince her it was for the best.

This morning she’s back with the book and the potty.

It’s obvious this is not going to be forgotten or skipped. The child is determined.

So now i’m sitting here writing this with a bare bummed child dancing in the middle of the sitting room to music.

The pink potty is sitting beside her. The potty book is on the sofa.

Like yesterday we haven’t relieved ourselves yet. I keep glancing over waiting for a little accident and wondering if i should get the mop out ready. Quietly praying to the potty training gods to be merciful and let us conquer this quickly.

I’m hoping she will go straight for the potty when she needs to go. I doubt though that i’m going to be that lucky.

Other mum’s have told me it can take a few days, weeks or even months to get a toddler out of their nappies.

I’m just happy Miss Peanut seems keen to do it.

Hopefully by september she won’t need them. I know it’s a must for when she starts school in september.

I am keep keeping my fingers crossed.

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Happy New year!

I know its 5 days since the new year started but hey Im now making the effort to blog.

If your reading this i hope you had an amazing Christmas and got everything you wanted. I also hope your New years eve was fantastic and fun. 🙂

Christmas we spent with friends. Miss Peanut had a blast she was so happy! She is now the proud owner of a ‘sunshine’ Care bear with a dvd which she loves from her Auntie Jess! She also had lots of Ben and Holly stuff from me and Alex and stickers.

We are in that phase where she is obsessed with stickers! We have them everywhere now! The tables, the cabinet the tv sits on, the tv itself! She stuck them even to me and the cat.

I got running stuff for Christmas, which is handy as i just started the ‘escape from the shire’ race. It’s of course a lord of the rings themed online race and is going to be set in stages across middle earth.

So the first one is 53 miles leaving the hobbits as the black riders chase you. The medal looks like the one ring and is very cool! Like the other long race i did (Road to Hogwarts) all the distances are recorded on the website then once i have completed the distance i receive my medal.

I am also supposed to be doing a 30 day running streak. That ermm has not gone to to well…i have only run once in four days due to a sick Alex and a little bit of laziness.

I know i really have to do better, but the cold and dark does not seem appealing right now. I will though motivate my butt out the door. I have to if i want the shiny shiny precious….i mean knew medal.

What i have been doing with my time is writing. As you can guess it’s not blog writing.

I have actually started to write stories. I do tend to get a little wrapped up in them.

My first story involves Paris, vampires, secret agents, a French arms dealer, techno mages and a bomb on the Eiffel tower. It’s romance, supernatural and lots of action. It’s quite a lot of fun coming up with the storyline and the interaction with my main characters.

So now you can see why i am a little distracted!

Ok New years resolutions:

  1. Blog more (i have been lazy and need to blog at least once a week again)
  2. Work on my stories and hopefully get them published on Amazon!
  3. Run more (My motivation is waning in the winter i need to get out there.)
  4. Enjoy my weekends more and go out(We need to spend more family time, in winter we just seem to stay in and i would like us to get out more)
  5. Do a few races. (I am not bothered if there online or real life races but i would like to do more)
  6. Cook more (I dont experiment enough anymore, everyone survive my cooking so i can start this again mawwhaaa)
I am sure i will think of some more at some point! We shall see.
I will be 39 years old this year! A very scary thought, especially as i still feel like i am twenty something! It’s funny how things sometimes seem to pass you by in a blink of an eye isn’t it?
Suddenly you start thinking of all the things you still want to do and haven’t done yet!
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