365 Days of Fitness – Week Eight

Day 50 Mon 4th Apr – Today Grandma and Grandad take us to the dinosaur park in Norwich.

Miss Peanut loves dinosaurs! I am so excited to see what she will do. As soon as she gets out of the car she’s running towards the entrance. The first statue she see’s and she’s running up to it shouting ‘roooarrr’.

As she’s under 3yrs old so she’s free to get in. Once inside we see an animated dino which roars and moves. It sounds quite frightening but she LOVES IT!!

The kid is practically bouncing off the walls running up to it and roaring back. The park has a huge play area and various buildings with inside play areas and cafe’s.

Peanut run’s to the play area for her age group and goes on the swing then the slide. I have a huge grin on my face. I am so happy she loves it here. So happy we have made her day. I feel care free.

We end up following the dinosaur trail. They have statues that make sounds. Peanut runs to every dinosaur she finds and hugs and kisses it. She’s screaming with happiness, smiling and laughing.

Her face when she found the biggest dino in the park was a picture. A mix of awe then excitment. She looked so tiny compared to it.

We found a petting place and farm animals. There was a car which took you out to the deer park and even a water garden. We ate cornish pasties, chips and ice cream in a little cafe.

The whole time my little girl is smiling from ear to ear. It’s days like these i love. When we go some where to have an adventure. Somewhere Peanut won’t readily forget.

Grandma and Grandad are already saying we can go again on our next visit.

Grandad buy’s her a ton of toys in the gift shop. She leaves with a huge armful of toys. Some i know i won’t have room to pack. But i know they will sit on the bed we use when we visit and wait for her return 🙂

This ended up being the best day ever i think for everyone!

12805863_10154109979773594_2002441989631185383_n

Day 51 Tue 5th Apr – 2 mile run today with my Sister. Miss Peanut give me cuddles before i go. She is happy watching Peppa Pig with Grandma and doesn’t care that i am off out for a while without her.

I have started to comfort eat the last few days. I can’t seem to help it. The naughty stuff is just to tempting. It tastes to good as well.

I know subconsciously it’s probably because this is our last week until we go back. I am trying to make myself feel better by eating what i can’t have in Rome.

In the end i just go with it. A few days won’t hurt. Ok maybe it will add to my waist line but when i get back to Italy i will be very very good with my eating habits.

No more snacking. No more bad things or eating to make myself feel better.

At least all the walking and running here is kind of keeping it balanced.

12998551_10154109979688594_8204822559317214226_n

Day 52 Wed 6th Apr – Another trip to Norwich. More treasures found. We meet up with my brother and his girlfriend today. She’s the friend who was reading my first story.

She tell’s me she loves it. That she thinks the flow of the story is fantastic and she asks if i have anymore. I have the second completed so tell her I will send it to her.

She’s extatic that she can read more. This makes me happy. If one person in billions likes my writing then there will be a few more!

The day goes quickly as it always does when out shopping all day. We meet up with my other sister to. So its all of us, me my two sisters and brother. Plus Grandma, the kid, the girlfriend, her dad, mum and brother who have also come shopping in Norwich.

So many people to chat to and laugh with. Miss Peanut is in heaven. Everyone buys her chocolate. Again she is spoilt rotten and she knows it!

13007361_10154109979638594_4696337485366014254_n

Day 53 Thur 7th Apr – Thinking about going to Rome and starting to pack. I don’t want to go back. My heart is screaming no no no inside me. I feel torn.

I am trying to not let it depress me. Yet it’s really hard.

With Miss Peanut starting nursery things might be a little better. I have to try. I have to see. I am just scared it’s going to be another promise which won’t come true.

I hate getting my hopes up then things never happen. We shall see i guess. That’s all i can do for now. I think you can see the unhappiness is my eyes.

12994582_10154109979483594_4776805766609309500_n

Day 54 Fri 8th Apr – Last run with my sister today. I am going to miss her annoying crazy pain in the butt.

13010659_10154109978948594_2585985090744545858_n

 

Day 55 Sat 9th Apr – Traveling back to Italy today. I hate it. I want to stay with my family but i know i can’t. Alex is anxious to have us back. Miss Peanut doesn’t seem to comprehend we are going back.

When they taxi comes to get us, she runs to Grandad’s car thinking we are going in that.

Grandma is already crying as she doesn’t want us to go. It upsets me. I hate this. Hate it. I wish we lived closer or even in the same bloody country.

All the drive to the airport and when we get there, the kid keeps asking me where Grandma and Grandad are.

I keep repeating we are going to see Daddy/Pappa. We are going on the plane back to Rome.

On the plane i think it starts to dawn on her what’s going on. She gets grumpy but i cuddle her and keep her entertained. Eventually she falls asleep for an hour and half.

I try to sleep to but i can’t. I’m to keyed up. I’m trying not to think about what it will be like when we are back there.

Alex is waiting at the airport for us. Peanut is all shy when she first see’s him but soon runs over for a cuddle.

She keeps touching his face like she can’t quite believe it’s really him.

On the drive out, i feel the black cloud that had been mostly at bay for 3 weeks slowly start to settle over me again. I feel like i am going back to my cage. My solitary life. I hate it.

I go from the chatty happy person i have been for 3 weeks to a quiet subdued shadow.

Alex notices. Ask’s if i am ok. I have a little cry. I am tired and over emotional. He says things will be better. I hope he is right.

When we get home it’s skpying Grandparent’s, then pizza for dinner.

We are all exhausted and fall into bed at 9pm.

12961543_10154109978718594_7791575775229657001_n

Day 56 Sun 10th Apr – Alex takes us to the Mall today. It’s Miss Peanut’s favorite place. She adores it. They have rides and a play area and burger king. She’s so excited she’s running around like a mad thing.

She keeps saying Papa Papa and is very happy we are all together again.

I enjoy the business. That cloud of depression is still looming though. Somewhere in the back of my head i worried everything will be the way it was before. I can’t do that. I can’t go backwards. Things need to go forwards to work.

Alex seems to understand that now. He is very attentive to me and Miss Peanut. He never once goes on his video game. He spends his time us as a family.

The kid notices this and responds more to him. She even starts saying words shes not said before like ‘Georgie’ (from Peppa pig). She get’s him to play with her to which is really sweet.

Alex is also trying to feed us up! Food in never ending and to much. Hopefully the Italian will calm down with the smothering us with food for love! lol

12974498_10154109978613594_3453346007075832215_n

365 Days of Fitness – Week Seven

Day 43 Sun 27th Mar – Miss Peanut decides to try out the dog cage. Her other fun thing to do was put all her toys inside it.

She’s picking up so many more words. Yes there all in English but at this stage i am happy she’s speaking in one of the languages she hears.

She can now say “upstairs” “Bubbles” “All done.” “empty” “open” “pizza” and quite a few other things. I don’t feel like a useless mother anymore. All she seemed to need was a little more stimulation with more people around her.

She’s blooming and developing before my very eyes. The more we are here in the UK the more she is becoming a little girl rather than a baby.

The black cloud i was in Italy is right at the back of my mind. It doesn’t surface much here. I am far to busy and having fun. I am smiling a lot of the time. I am genuinely having fun here. I am the old me. Grandma loves having Miss Peanut visit. She is cramming the kid full of chocolate and ice creams and spoiling her rotten!

13006600_10154110069428594_239578395438484834_n

 

Day 44 Mon 28th Mar – Miss Peanut is a little clingy today again. I manage to get 1 mile walked only. Yes i realise now i did two day 44’s! oh well never mind.

13000276_10154109980208594_5868933136331651400_n

Day 45 Tue 29th Mar – The last four days I have kinda neglected typing about my day. I have been walking more now my back is much better. I intend to run again now.

I have also been very up and down emotionally. My family argue sometimes. It’s the normal family bickering. I have found though it brings me down lately.

I don’t want to listen to people ranting or shouting at each other. Instead of trying to calm things down like I used to do, I just sit quietly and switch off.

I have my own doubts and dark thoughts. I don’t need anyone else’s. Shutting down helps, I sit there thinking about other things. A few have noticed the chance. They know I get depressed now.

I sit through the ‘don’t be silly’ talks or ‘come on cheer up’.

My steampunk clothing is growing slowly. There’s still part of me asking why I am bothering.

Miss Peanut is having so much fun. She’s saying more words and so many cuddles with everyone. We go out every day for walks or shopping.

I can’t believe it’s been just over a week. It feels like we have been here a lot longer.

Whenever I think about Rome I feel sad and don’t want to go back. I like being busy. Even though my family can sometimes be annoying I love them. I love the noise and doing stuff.

I feel more alive here.

My second story is finished. I am still re-reading it to see if I have missed anything.

My third story has begun to. I am not writing tons but enough to keep my creative side satisfied.

Me and the dog enjoy a nice run together. He’s always happy to go out with me. I also enjoy running in the day with sunlight!

12961463_10154109980063594_1218375951383202670_n

Day 46 Wed 30th Mar – A friend here in the UK asked to read my first story. I have agreed and sent it to her. It’s nice to have someone give it a quick read. I have just asked her to let me know if the flow of the story sounds good.

Miss Peanut thought this feather would be an interesting buy at a charity shop.

12963402_10154109980133594_5360404991810226049_n

Day 47 Thur 31st Mar – Long run today with my Sister. I love these runs. We talk. We laugh. These are things i miss in Rome as i have no one to do this with. I honestly think if i had someone to run and talk to there even for an hour a day i would be less depressed.

13010843_10154109979933594_5503011765551215342_n

Day 48 Fri 1st Apr – 3 mile walk today

12993522_10154109979873594_5680134064961854858_n

Day 49 Sat 2nd Apr – I ask Alex if i am going to go back to the same as it was before. I have a week left and i don’t want to go back to the way it was in Rome. I like having company. I like doing things. I like having people to talk to.

Alex tells me we will do more. He also tell me we didn’t get into the state nursery for Miss Peanut. He does leap into action though and contacts a private one near us. We have an appointment to visit them the week we are back in Rome.

The head of the place even suggests Miss Peanut could go to them from morning til lunch until June. This makes me happy. She loves other kids. I really believe she will be happier going to play with other little ones.

My only down is september she will go from 9 am til 4pm! To me thats so long! All day and she will be only 3 years old. I mention my concern but Alex says thats what is done there.

Grandma is also worried about it. But talking to my American friend Jess she tells me they do that in America. Also googling it looks like they do it now in the UK.

I just feel its so long to be parted. I feel a little down. We haven’t been apart much for almost 3 years. Suddenly this feels like a huge step, one i know i wanted.

Alex says we have to cut the strings for mother and child. To me it sounds cruel but i guess other parents do it to. God knows what i will do with all the time i will have in september.

I can’t even remember what that much free time feel likes. I can’t even remember what the heck i used to do with it!

12994484_10154109979828594_3824612680249828370_n

 

365 Days of Fitness – Week Six

Day 36 Sun 20th Mar – Car boot sale in the morning was fun. Then food shopping. Miss Peanut loves going to the supermarket with everyone. She helps put things in the trolley and chooses her yoghurts and snacks.

I found some fun figures for her at the car boot and now she’s addicted to playing with them. She adores them. Farm, zoo and airport people with vehicles for her age group.

In the afternoon me and Grandma go through old boxes in the spare room. Some of its old stuff I left there over 8 years ago when I moved to Italy.

It’s of my life from London I wanted to keep. The Grandparents are having the house sorted out in May. Builders will be in to do things, so everything needs to be sorted through and stored away.

It’s funny seeing things from my old life, things that were once important to me. Things that still are. There are things I still want to keep and I can’t get back to Rome. Grandma’s is happy to keep them still. I get rid of a lot of stuff. No point keeping it