Day 57 Mon 11th Apr – I am trying to keep my positive vibe going. All the sunny weather is helping. It’s so much warmer and brighter here than it was in the UK.
I take Miss Peanut out in the morning. We do our usual rounds. In the corner shop she is chatting away which surprises the people we know there. Usually she’s quiet and shy. She even runs up to Mauro and smiles at him taking offered pizza. He is over the moon as he always thinks that she doesn’t like him.
I think she was just shy before and didn’t have so much interaction with other people. In the UK she was swamped with it.
By the afternoon we are both knackered. I think we are still tired from the traveling. I get a little writing done. Then I chat to a friend on facebook.
I find out we lost a facebook friend the day before. Gil. He always posted lovely comments on my blog or comments on photos of Miss Peanut.
I get teary-eyed. I am going to miss the old guy. Even though I didn’t know him physically he was always a ray of positivity and happiness.
By the time Alex gets home I am too tired to run. The kid is also a little clingy. She has been asking where Papa /Daddy is all day. It’s a long day for both of us.
So I just stick with the walk I did in the morning as exercise.
Day 58 Tue 12th Apr – This morning is the visit to the nursery. I am anxious. We still don’t know the cost or if Miss Peanut will like it. The place isn’t far. The spring-like early morning walk fills me with hope that this is all going to go well.
The place is an old Villa with gates and buzzers to get. I like it on sight. The kid likes it to as she gets all excited.
As soon as we get in she squeals with delight seeing the other kids and toys. Then she’s off into the playroom. She only looks back a few times to check we are still there.
The owner is a Grandmother type. She is really nice and understanding. Alex and the lady chat about everything. Me I sit looking around and liking the place even more. It feels nice. Child friendly and has a good vibe.
We are shown around. Everything is child-friendly and cheerful.
Miss Peanut is having so much fun. I can hear her happy laugh from the other room. Eventually she does come looking for us. She wants me to play with her to.
The lady explains I should stand by the playroom door and not go in. This way the kid can see I am still there but will understand I won’t go in.
We agree to start Peanut at the nursery. She loves it and we are both happy. We all agree that she can start the following Monday.
It’s time to leave but the kid doesn’t want to go. She wants the toys she had found. Then realising we are leaving she cries and throws herself on the floor.
I sit and hug her fiercely, all the time whispering and promising she will start on Monday. That she will play and make friends. That I know she wants to go to this place.
Eventually she calms and says ‘bye bye’ to everyone. She is happy again. We walk back home talking about what we have learned. The place is not cheap but we want to do this for our little girl.
Even in September she doesn’t have to go the whole day apparently. She can stay until 1pm. This way it is a little cheaper than having her stay the whole day.
This makes me happy. I want time with her. I want to keep learning English with me and playing games etc and having snuggles.
I am lazy and stick to just a walk. We are also eating the stash of chocolate Grandma sent us home with. Not good for my waist line. But it tastes so good.
Day 59 Wed 13th Apr – I know i have been lazy. Today i manage a 1 mile run. It is better than nothing. It’s still light outside when i go. It means more people in my way. It makes me wonder if winter running is better. Less people to fall over and trip over.
Day 60 Thur 14th Apr – I keep forgetting to blog. I guess it’s not a great loss. I don’t need to write every thought in my head down here. My writing is going well. My third story is flowing from my fingertips through the keys of my little laptop. It’s just having the time to write which is the problem. Sometimes I end up just scribbling notes in my notebook when I am playing with Miss Peanut or if we are out. Sometimes stuff comes to me in the night and I have to get up and write them down quick. I am still passionate about my writing. The world in my mind and my characters are clamouring to get out.
Sometimes Alex point’s out I am mumbling to myself. This is me just reading my words out loud. I am not a crazy person. Well ok. I am a crazy to a certain level. I think everyone is one way or another. What is really normal in this day and age?
The kid is a little clingy today, so it’s just a walk.
Day 61 Fri 15th Apr – My monthly cycle had started. It makes me more sensitive than normal. It’s the end of the first week and my anxiety is back full force. I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin.
Alex tells me to smile when he leaves for work. I can barely turn my lips up in a semblance of one. I don’t smile here as much as I do in the UK. I don’t feel carefree.
I feel lonely again. There’s no one to talk to. Don’t get me wrong I have people to talk to on facebook messenger. There’s even Alex on skype chat.
No I mean someone physically here, someone to have a laugh with, chat with. Connect with.
I have gone from three weeks of busyness, noise, and people to me just talking to Miss Peanut.
I am so wound up I feel like I might be sick.
I take the kid to the park hoping some air and activity will help.
It does. We see some other kids. She’s happy playing with them and we enjoy the warmth on the sun. Closing my eyes i soak it up. We just need to keep busy. This will help i am sure. All i can hope it that i am right.
I feel better by the time we go home. We spend two hours in the park. We both enjoy it.
Alex takes us out to the beer garden for dinner. It’s like old times. We all have fun. It’s what we all need. I feel myself relax.
Day 62 Sat 16th Apr – We are busy today getting things for Miss Peanut for nursery. We go shopping to get the non-slip socks she needs.
It’s a good morning. Me and Alex talk seriously about some issues. He knows I am still unhappy and on the verge of wanting to go back to the UK. Instead we talk about our fears and why things aren’t moving forward as they should.
We both thing nursery is going to help. I will have some much needed breathing space. It’s a start. We agree to take other things forwards from there. We shall see how it all goes.
The day is a good one. Alex is still more attentive than normal. He barely touches his online game. Miss Peanut adores it. She wants to play with him constantly or making him lay on the bed with her. She’s happy giggling and laughing. We feel more like a unit than individuals coping with a toddler.
just another walk today.
Run Brit Chick Run 